So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
