oh god the rape fog is back!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
