if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
