Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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