He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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