shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
