I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
