I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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