i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
