were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
cat food counts as protein by the way
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
