i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I need to align my fucking chakras
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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