Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
