so explain again why im purple
no
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
