I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
