He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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