turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
