You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
