Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
