And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Alive.
So much puke
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
