had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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