Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
