I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize