Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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