Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
