I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
