when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
