that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
