FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
