Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
