i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
