Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
