My first STD was from a foam party
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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