How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
