got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
