the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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