Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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