I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
