We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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