i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
