felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
