it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize