well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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