well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
