I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
