Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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