So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize