I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I want you more than these girls want KFC
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
