So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
