my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
