Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i would punch a child for taco bell
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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