I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
