oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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