garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
