Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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