Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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