So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
