Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
