he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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