went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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