I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
whose parrot is this?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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