Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
