Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
